Unfamiliar - FNAF
by dersitePrince
Summary: Bonnie and Madelyn find themselves having to find new accommodations after the pizzeria makes budget cuts. Madelyn's brother, Francis, makes his appearance to help them out in a stroke of luck. But it soon grows apparent that they won't be able to continue being together, and Bonnie's left to cope with that reality.
1. Regrouping

Bonnie wasn't sure if the reality he was living in was real at all. The guy who he'd had a mega crush on since he'd gotten the job was now gone. And they were changing policy to where he was just working a standard job. Where was he supposed to go? More importantly, where was Madelyn going to go?

She was someone who'd come out of an orphanage she'd been ostracised in. She did her damnedest to get out of there, too. No one in her fourteen years of being there had wanted her, and that was discouraging.

It then clicked to Bonnie why they worked so well together.

But that was beside the point. He had no fucking clue what to do. He couldn't go back to his parents, because he'd be turned around at the door. He was nineteen, no high school diploma, no GED, no nothing. He was fucked beyond belief.

Madelyn shifted under his arm, as he was brought out of his mind and back to the real world. She murmured something in her sleep, something that would normally put a grin on his face. But he couldn't stop wondering what was going to happen to them.

He hated when things like this haunted him into the night and kept him from sleeping. He shifted, holding tight to Madelyn, hoping he'd wake up to everything going back to normal. He'd be sixteen again. Single, but he'd still have everyone, and not have to worry about not having a place to go. He'd still have problems with depression, but he wouldn't worry so much. It wouldn't matter.

But that wasn't the case. He'd probably wake up into a worse hell, knowing his life. Back with his parents, with them fighting and completely not giving a shit about his existence. Never having met Madelyn to begin with, never having dropped out, nothing. He knew that definitely wasn't favourable.

He had a rude awakening the next morning, having forgotten to turn his alarm off. He groaned, cursing quietly as he reached over to turn the thing off. He laid back down to fall back asleep, but soon found himself falling over the end of the bed.

"Get up, Bonnie," Madelyn said, giggling.

He sat up, rubbing his side. He glared at her as he stood, using the bed as a support as he got to his feet. His hair was a mess, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he wasn't feeling particularly well.

"Is it not Sunday?" he grumbled.

"It is, but we need to be looking into what we can do given the policy change," Madelyn reminded him.

"Oh yeah. _That_. I wanted to like… _not_ think about it and hope it'd go away."

"That ain't how life goes, sorry to say. Now put some clothes on, dork. Can't go searching around town with your boxers on."

"I mean I _could_, you won't _let_ me."

"Because I don't want you getting the both of us arrested. Now shut up and get dressed already!"

"Alright, alright," Bonnie chuckled. "By the way, just so you know, if you decide _you_ wanna sleep in next week, I'm pushing you off the bed instead."

"No you won't."

"You're right, I won't. I'll be too lazy to even get up myself, much less force you to get up. Also, I'm not fucking _satan_ about getting out of bed."

"Shoosh you."

Madelyn smirked, trying to keep herself from laughing. Bonnie got dressed and the two headed out to the main room, where they were stopped by a redheaded man standing at the door. They looked at each other, contemplating if they should let him in. Madelyn shrugged and opened the door, and he stepped inside. His hair was laid lazily over his right eye, parted on the left, and tied up in a short ponytail on the back, as it wasn't that long.

"Why, don't you two look familiar?" he asked. "Remember me?"

Madelyn stared blankly at him for a second, before he face lit up as she said, "Oh yeah, you were that waiter who served us three years ago. How do you still remember our faces?"

"The same way _you_ remember _him_, I imagine," Bonnie jabbed sarcastically.

"What're you doing here?" Madelyn asked, ignoring Bonnie.

"I'm here for you, _Madelyn_. It's time for you to come home."

"Wait, what? What do you mean by "come home?" And how the hell did you wind up here, of all places?"

"I forgot, you were too young to remember me. I'm your brother, Francis. I know that it seems weird, but ever since I noticed you that one night, I couldn't help but think that your face was familiar. I didn't really know how, until I actually was able to pull up the bill, and I knew it was you. "

"I have to question how the hell you found where we were," Bonnie said flippantly.

"Simple. The restaurant doesn't keep billing information the biggest secret. I just had to ask a few friends on the further inside to find out. Wasn't hard to find."

"Goddammit. Anyways, Madelyn, I'll be right back. I just realised how awful I smell."

As Bonnie walked out of the room, disappearing into the back, Madelyn was left alone with her supposed 'brother,' Francis.

"How can you prove that you're my brother?" she asked

"Madelyn Cecil Foxx, born 10th of November, 1998. Orphaned at age two, natural ginger.

"How in the fuck?"

"And since you never knew your parents, I can tell you a lot about them and explain why they couldn't keep you. You just have to trust me. Are you ready to trust me, yet?"

"I'm not totally sure. Given you admitted that you have insider friends at that restaurant, I'm curious to know if you have insider friends anywhere else. It's been forever since I've said my middle or last name, that not even Bonnie knows at this point."

"I wouldn't have any reason to stalk and lie to you. It took me so long just to figure out where I could find you, to deliver this information and extend my hand to help you. My boyfriend says he knows the owner, and that the place is going to end up shutting down soon. And on top of just being able to help you, I can tell you anything you ever wanted to know about your parents. Where you came from, why things had to be the way they are."

"See, even if I did trust you, I can't leave Bonnie. I love him too much."

"Do you really have another choice at this point? It's not like you can stay here."

"If I go with you, Bonnie comes with me. Otherwise, no deal."

Francis sighed. "Fine then. He can tag along, since you're so adamant about it. But if he causes too much of a problem, I'm gonna have no choice but to kick him out."

"He's too quiet to cause much of a problem. I'll go get him."

Madelyn was just about to turn on her heel and leave as Bonnie walked back through the door, with his hair still damp.

"So what're you two up to now?" he asked.

Francis gave an unimpressed look to Madelyn, who gave a sheepish grin. She grabbed Bonnie by the hand, taking him back to the employee hallway and leading him back to his room.

"Pack your shit, we're going to live with my brother."

"That's your— but you called him—"

"Shut the fuck up, I didn't know who he was then. We're going to live with him. We needed to find a place anyways, so this works out amazingly."

"But what about Chica? Shouldn't we at least tell her?"

"She'll be fine. She can probably go crash with Freddy until things turn out better for her, or maybe even permanently since they have a thing."

"I guess you're right…. Still, I'm worried. I don't know how things are about to play out, and if we'll still be able to stay together at the end of it all."

"Things will be fine, trust me. I promise you that I won't allow anything to separate us. Just trust me."

"A-alright…."

* * *

Upon arrival to the place they would be staying, Madelyn's eyes immediately went to the steep set of steps leading both up and down directly in front of her. Then to the island in the untidy kitchen to her right, and the couch and TV to her left. The open floor plan made sense for such a small, vertical house.

Bonnie stepped in behind her, sticking close. He didn't know what this so-called "Francis" was capable of, or what he planned to do. His anxiety was getting the best of him.

"Alright, Madelyn. Your room will be upstairs on the left, and yours is straight back, Bonnie. Mine is downstairs, bathroom is upstairs on the right, anything else you need to know?" Francis asked quickly. "Alright, great, I'm gonna head downstairs for a bit; I'm expecting someone soon."

Francis quickly descended the stairs before the couple could get a word out. Madelyn turned and glanced up at Bonnie's eyes, and he met hers. He sighed as she smiled, and they each ascended the stairs in front of them.

Madelyn stepped into her room, and was immediately underwhelmed. Everything was in drab colours; there was no personality. It was the most lifeless she'd ever seen a room be. And to think the walls were the same beige that the excess rooms in the pizzeria had been made her want to gag.

She knew the best thing was to just leave the thing, try to get some better matching colours later. But that didn't keep her from hating it.

Bonnie flicked on the light to his room, and it was almost as if nothing had changed at all. The floors were still wooden, the desk was still in the back corner, and the bed in the middle. It was only slightly bigger, and the closet and entrance had switched places, as the closet was now off to the right with the door opposing the bed. Of course, the door was slightly to the right side of the room, but that wasn't that big of a thing to him..

The walls were also a new colour that he preferred. A light grey-blue instead of that old beige he never got around to painting over.

He set his backpack on the bed, and his guitar bag on the floor at the foot. He began to dig for the notebook he'd held onto so closely for years that was slowly running out of pages. The one his brother had given him for his thirteenth birthday.

"The year before he left…." he thought aloud, pulling the notebook out and holding it firmly in his hand. "Where are you now, Benjamin? When are you coming back? When will this nightmare of a life end, and we can go back to before you left?"

He sighed, tossing the notebook off on the desk. It landed with a firm thud. He took his backpack off the bed, and set it by his guitar bag, stepping out of the room. He went off to help Madelyn unpack her things, but by the time he got there she'd already unpacked.

"So how's your room?" she asked him as he stepped in.

"You gonna let me collect my thoughts, first?" he asked in return.

"Nope," she replied with a grin.

"It's the same… but better, I suppose. It's not the same beige I left the other room. It's a nice blue-grey that really cools off the feeling."

"Well that's good to hear. I'm probably gonna have to paint this room and re-decorate it in its entirety. I don't imagine that you would want to do that with yours, since it seems more like a guest room."

"It's so weird to think… so little but so much has changed, and will still continue to do so."

"Bit of a mindfuck, ain't it?"

"Yeah. Just… hard to wrap my head around."

"Hopefully in time we'll adjust to things. But this whole situation got me thinking, we each need to work towards getting a GED, and getting a proper job."

Bonnie sighed. "I'm not sure I'm ready to grow up yet. In my mind, I'm still sixteen, we're still sixteen. We're still figuring shit out. Being ostracised in what would be considered to be our homes, only to end up in a place that would simply just let us survive. And plus, didn't the owners say that we'd just be getting normal paychecks now? Who's to say we have to find different jobs?"

"I just feel it's childish to continue working this way. I wanna get a real job, I'm ready to grow up."

"I'm not ready. I need more time. I need more time to get my headspace clear, to not have to rely on you so much to keep me sane. 'Cause god knows that if our relationship fell out, I'd be a dysfunctional mess. I need to see a therapist."

"Priorities. Let's get moved in before we start worrying about what we need to ready ourselves to be adults."

"But you just said—"

"I just said don't worry about it. I'm just saying keep it all in mind as we move forward, but don't overwhelm yourself."

"I dunno, I just feel like even if I was able to get control of my emotions, I wouldn't be able to grow up. I can't be an adult. My mind just doesn't work that way. I'm not ready, I'm not ever going to be ready. I'm still missing so much. So many lessons my brother promised to teach me that he never got to."

"All in due time. We'll get to it."

That night, Bonnie laid awake, his mind racing at lightning speeds. He had so many questions ranging from, "What am I going to do when I can grow up?" to, "Why are Madelyn and I in separate beds tonight?"

He couldn't figure out how to answer a single one of them. He guessed that he'd just have to find out when it came time to being an adult. Growing up didn't seem all that appealing to him, but he was nineteen. He had to grow up at some point. As for why they were in separate rooms, he didn't know. He supposed it was because Francis didn't like them being together, but that was his only guess and it was a shot in the dark.

He wanted to hold her to him, be assured that things were going to be okay just be her presence. All because she would be there, he would've been able to fall asleep properly. He would've been able to feel his eyes growing heavy as he drifted off into the unconscious world that lived in his mind. But alas, he was plagued with unrest and anxiety. Too many blank spaces to fill, a form left without anything filled in. The job application that he dreaded one day having to properly fill out ran through his mind. What would he say? He dropped out of high school. He ruined his own life.

But he just couldn't have taken anymore of it.

The anxiety that everyone around you is eyeing you, hating every second you remain there longer. Hating you just for existing. Just being spiteful. The loneliness he felt, being totally out of place in his computer sciences classes. He was a musician, not a software engineer.

He never understood the classes. He always ended up with awful or straight up failing grades. And year after year, his parents stripped him of the freedom of choice, stripped him of the ability to maybe finally make some fucking friends, find some people who thought similarly to him. He never got to have the positive experience he heard about and envied. He didn't want to deal with that anymore. He wasn't going to take it anymore. He dropped out because he didn't need that shit anymore.

But nonetheless, whether or not you dropped out because your mental health was fucked, or because you weren't going to pass anyways, it was a stigma if you didn't have a goddamn piece of signed paper.

He sighed, turning over. He didn't think that getting a GED would help him. He was a guitar-obsessed, blue-haired nineteen-year-old who had no control over his emotions. That would already set off multiple red flags from his employers. To hear the part about being a dropout would likely be the last straw.

He tempted the thought of getting up and slipping into bed with Madelyn to let her scent calm his nerves, but looking over at the clock gave him second thoughts. It was almost 2AM. He knew she was asleep, and he didn't have it in him to wake her. It wasn't worth it to maybe get a couple hours of sleep. He could only hope that he would eventually fall asleep and not have to deal with his mind asking so many questions he didn't know the answers to.

He awoke the next morning at noon, sitting up with a massive headache. He pushed his palm to his forehead, hoping to ease the pounding pain he felt. He couldn't place his finger on exactly how the feeling came about. There was no particular reason for it to be there.

He sighed and attempted to stand without too much issue, and wandered out towards Madelyn's room. He wanted to see what she was up to, since he wasn't sure how things were supposed to work moving forward. Did they ignore the relationship until they adjusted? Did they still try to manage it through the transition? It all confused him.

"Knock knock," he said, the door standing wide open.

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"I just wanted to drop in and pester you, since it's all I have left to do for now."

"Fast unpacker?"

"Didn't bring much to start with. And weren't you finished yesterday? Anyways— it doesn't matter. The thing I was wondering about is… us. I have several questions about the future."

"Fire away."

"Well, I'm not sure what to do during this transitional period. Do I ignore my desires to just hold you, or do we just let things stay the same? Secondly, are we gonna go back to sharing the same bed after awhile, or are we just gonna stay in separate places for the most part? I missed you last night, had a bit of a hard time sleeping."

"Well I figured for now that we could just sort of try to say out of each other's way. Not forever, but I have to completely redo this room, and I figured you'd maybe have to end up doing the same with yours."

"Even if he wanted to, I wouldn't let him," Francis chimed in, leaning on the wall just outside of the door. "That's meant to be a guest room, and I'm letting him stay here since he is a guest, after all."

"I dunno, I consider him a part of all of this," Madelyn returned. "I mean, he'll be in this for just as long as I will be."

"We didn't agree to that much," Francis warned.

"It was implied. He's my boyfriend, we've been together for about three years. I figured I didn't have to say it aloud that he'd be in it with me for the long haul."

Francis sighed. "Alright then," before promptly taking his leave.

"I can try to find somewhere else to go if it really matters," Bonnie offered just as Francis got out of earshot. He didn't particularly want to go.

"No, don't feel obligated to. He's just being a bit of an ass, and I can't work out why. Why in hell would he ever think that you staying here is just a temporary thing anymore than me staying here being temporary?"

"I don't know. But back to what we were talking about: I get that you may want time away from it. And that's fine, I just need like a timeframe on when maybe we can start doing this whole thing again. I don't want to be laying there every night wondering that maybe now we'll be able to do this together again."

"I honestly don't know what to tell you. I have no clue when I'm gonna be able to get all of this."

"Well why don't I help?"

"I mean, I am going to ask for your help, but I just sort of want to get used to things at the moment, you understand? Maybe at the end of this week we can get back to it?"

"Alright. I can do that without going fucking insane, heh."

"If something goes wrong, you know you can come talk to me."

"And you know that I'm not gonna think about that. Just like when you were going out with Freddy, I'm not going to think about it."

"I guess that's fair. But, just write yourself a note or something. I won't be upset if you come pester me at four in the morning if you really need it. I understand how anxieties can take over, I lived in an orphanage, in and out of foster homes for sixteen years. I understand how it can be."

"I know you do, I'm very aware of such, but I'm always so afraid of just being too annoying with it. That's just how I am. I mean, every time I would ever come to see you after those first three months where we became friends, remember how I would always ask if I woke you up?"

"Yep. You asked every single time, and I always gave you the same answer."

"I know, but it's just— I don't want to end up feeling like I'm a burden. I don't want to put that on myself, so for some reason I just avoid it entirely. I need to learn to help myself anyways."

"Do you think that everyone just helps themselves, and doesn't rely on anyone else? Because if that's the case, you haven't been paying attention. Whenever I have a problem, I ask you what to do, and you help me."

"I know, I know, it's just— whenever you're right there, I don't feel as bad. Because you're already there, and you're just there for me to ask. But anyways, I think I'll be fine. I don't think that there's much that'll happen within that time frame. I'll be fine, hopefully."

"Hey, before you go, I want you to know that this isn't because I don't want to be with you, but I just want to get used to the surroundings. I still love you, and don't think that I'm trying to avoid you. I still appreciate you and your company, and I know your worries and where you think things could be going. I promise you that things won't turn out that way, and even if they did I'd be up-front with you."

"That's good to know, I suppose. Anyways, I'll probably be hanging out in my room for the most part."

"Alright, I won't have to wonder where the sobbing sounds come from."

Bonnie laughed before leaving. He wasn't sure if this whole experience was something he was ready for. He was starting to feel like the relationship was shaky, and he didn't want things to crumble under his feet. But he didn't know any other way he could try to fix it, other than spending more time together. And he had to respect that she didn't want that right now.

She assured him that things were going to turn out okay, but he still couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. Something was brewing under the surface that he could feel but couldn't be sure of. He wanted to press her more, ask what he could do to help her out just so he could be there. But he knew that intruding would speed up the process if she was considering taking a break.

* * *

**4,041 words.**


	2. Deadly

He awoke to the darkness of his room, the moon lightly shining between the blinds above his head. Left in nothing but his boxers, sheets, and sweat, he feared for what the future was going to be. Every foundation he built had the very high chance of crumbling underneath him and ripping the floor from his feet. He couldn't process it all.

He shivered, and stood quietly, slipping into his nightshirt to cover his scrawny body before heading downstairs. He looked for something, anything to get his mind off of it all. Food, drink, entertainment, what have you. Anything to take the thoughts away from the way things had been going on. It had been three weeks, and he hadn't pressed her about it.

The fact of the matter was that he didn't want to force her to be with him, knowing that the more he pressed the more she'd want to get away. And that scared him.

He needed to talk about it, get his mind clear of it all, but he didn't think that she'd want to hear about it right now. He could tell that she would get tired of his badgering about it. Avoiding the subject was how he felt things would work out best. She'd come to him when she was ready. He just had to accept that.

In the darkness, the lights flicked on. Bonnie jumped, checking behind him. Francis was there, standing at the top of the stairs to go down.

"The fuck are you doing?" he asked half-heartedly. "It's two in the morning, why the fuck are you down here?"

"Insomnia," Bonnie replied calmly.

Francis didn't acknowledge what was said after that moment, nor did he acknowledge Bonnie's existence. He just grabbed the half-empty gallon of milk and chugged the whole thing in one go, tossing the bottle on the counter and heading back downstairs.

When Bonnie's vision was plunged into darkness again, he stood there trying to figure out what just happened. He shook it off and ascended the stairs again slowly, trying to continually calm himself about the situation.

"This is normal," he whispered to himself repeatedly. "It's all going to work out, everything will be fine, it will all be normal again. Someday I'll be okay again."

He was doing his best not to let the tears he'd held inside for the past three weeks find their way into the world. It wasn't worth crying right now. He kept on trying to hide his feelings as deep into the pit of his stomach as he could. He didn't want other people to feel like they were responsible for what his mind was doing to him.

Yet as he laid down in bed, he felt them coming up. For the first time since his nineteenth birthday, he cried.

Bonnie was silently crying to himself, laying in the silence and darkness of his room. He was here with a home all thanks to Madelyn, but ever since then, he hadn't seen her much. He didn't know if he wanted to press the issue, or just let it boil up inside of him until he didn't know what to do anymore. Not that he really knew what to do to begin with. He still loved her with every last bit of his heart, but he wasn't sure if she still reciprocated the feeling. He couldn't find the words to tell her, even if they did end up talking again. What had he become? With her, he was happy and could hold his own. He could keep himself sane even when she was gone, knowing with peace of mind that things would go back to normal right as she got back. And even when things seemed kinda bleak, they'd always get fixed.

Without her, his mind was perpetually in the inky blackness of the void. Plunged so far into darkness that he wasn't sure if he'd ever come back out again. Because it wasn't just the matter of her not being there, it was the fact that he didn't know when they would get back together. It was all still a mystery to him.

Maybe she'd wanted the time alone to think about the relationship. He wouldn't be surprised if she was wanting to break it off by the end of the month. He'd be torn to absolute shreds no less, but it would be no surprise to him.

He knew he needed to grow more independent anyway. She wasn't always going to be there to calm his nerves for him, or to help him get it all out of his mind. But that had been his whole purpose for running away from his parents.

He didn't necessarily want to consider running away from Madelyn, and he didn't think he could if he tried. No less, it was slowly becoming toxic for him like the home he left nearly three years ago.

Meanwhile, Madelyn was also fully awake. She tossed and turned back and forth, trying to make sense of her own mind. Was she really about to leave Bonnie? All just so she could be with other guys to see what they were like? She couldn't help but think back to how torn up inside he'd been when the whole Freddy thing happened. She could only hope that she didn't cause his inner destruction like she had when that went down.

She supposed that she could ask Francis in the morning, but wasn't sure if she should wait that long. She thought about just going into Bonnie's room and breaking it to him as soon as possible. It was obvious he'd need an ungodly amount of time to cope with it all, but she was still uncertain on it. He was so soft in the heart, that she feared completely puncturing it and indirectly killing him with her decision.

He had always been more fragile than fine china. It was almost as if he could read your mind, as well. So if you thought about something that would hurt him emotionally, he would feel it far before you'd ever let the words escape your mouth. And yet, she couldn't find any actual reasoning to leave him.

She had told him ad nauseam that the fact that he was so skinny and scrawny didn't matter to her, but it was slowly starting to dawn on her just how long her boyfriend would look like a teenager. He was beyond saving in the realm of his own mind, and she knew that without a shadow of a doubt. The only thing left keeping him sane was the relationship. It was like an addictive substance to him, and she had to intervene.

But at the same time, she was tempted to just let him have it. He'd been through so much; almost socially stranded for sixteen years. Parents that wanted him to conform to their own dead dreams like his older brother had before him. He was far beyond just simple consoling at this point. Perhaps therapy wouldn't have any effect on him.

The whole thing just played in Madelyn's mind over and over again. She eventually settled on the fact that it was time. Time to end the relationship. If it didn't happen now, she'd never tell him. Though, instead of telling him right now, she slept until the next morning.

She awoke as the light shined between her blinds and right over her eyes, forcing her awake. She groaned as she sat up, rubbing her face for a moment and yawning before quickly standing. With her sudden boost of energy, she dressed quickly and headed downstairs first to find something to eat.

Bonnie was laying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. She glanced over at him and noticed that he had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. They also looked a little red and puffy, he'd been crying.

"Not enough sleep last night?" Madelyn asked him.

"Nope," he replied simply.

Madelyn didn't press the issue any further than that. She knew what it was like running on minimal sleep and depressive thoughts, even though she'd never let anyone know that. She didn't want to bother him any further, at least until he seemed ready to be bothered. She wanted to make him go upstairs and get some sleep, but she didn't allow herself.

"Insomnia's a bitch, ain't it?" he asked.

"Yep," Madelyn replied. "But, there's nothing that you can really do about it, at least to my knowledge."

"I think it could maybe help if my mind stopped running for a few moments; stopped giving me thoughts that intrude on my shift into unconsciousness. But alas, that's not something I can truly control. How're you?"

"I'm fine. Sorry for the silence as of late, I've just been really busy lately. Gotta prepare for the life ahead."

"I wish I had that work ethic. I've just been sorta sitting on my hands this whole time, trying to catch any bit of sleep that comes my way for the past week or so."

"That's gotta be hell on Earth."

"It is indeed that. I just don't necessarily want to get life started up yet. I'm obviously not mentally stable, so why put that stress on myself, y'know?"

"Yeah, I get it. But you are going to have to start eventually. You can't just stay that way forever."

"It'd be nice if I could, though."

"I'm sure we're all in agreement on that front. Life isn't the most fun thing in the world."

"But I guess we all have to live it."

"Indeed."

Silence befell the couple as Madelyn began to rethink her decision again. He hadn't been sleeping well. There was something on his mind that invaded when he tried to sleep. The only thing she thought could've been on his mind was the fear of them breaking up. She wasn't sure if she wanted to put even more stress, anxiety, and sadness upon him. He wasn't ready for that.

But she was suffocating in the whole thing. It was oppressing to be with him because she wanted something more than what he could provide for her. She wanted someone that could be a bit more of a strong wall to lean on, someone she could rely on even in the hardest of times. Bonnie definitely couldn't fulfil that role, because he needed someone that could hold him up in the smallest rainstorm. She couldn't blame him for it all, but she couldn't continue to put up with it all. She cared about him, but she couldn't keep it all up forever.

Maybe he had this grandeur idea that he'd finally found someone who he would be around for longer than a couple of years. A forever friend he could come to in a time of need. A lover that he could rely on to force him out of his comfort zone. But she couldn't be those things for him. She didn't have the patience to continue holding up the relationship.

She heard footsteps creaking in the stairs, and knew that she'd have to pull her brother aside to ask if it was the right thing. Knowing him he'd say yes, just for the hell of Bonnie hopefully going away. She didn't know why he detested Bonnie so hard, so she figured she'd ask.

"Hey Francis," Madelyn greeted as the ginger cleared the final step.

"Hey," he greeted gruffly.

"Can I borrow you for a moment upstairs?"

"Sure."

The two made their way upstairs into Madelyn's room, where she shut the door so Bonnie didn't somehow hear them.

"I've been thinking lately, and— I don't think I can be with Bonnie anymore—"

"Before you say what I know you're gonna say: you can't break up with him yet."

"Why not?!"

"He's Benjamin's brother, I can't let him lock up yet. I need to be on good terms with him so I can maybe get Benjamin back and apologise for what I did."

"Look, I don't care about your stupid relationship drama, it doesn't affect my stupid relationship drama. I can't take it anymore. I care about him, but he's just so— _obsessive._"

"I mean, at least he isn't creepy about it. He gives you your space. He tries to give you what you want and need. He obviously loves you more than anything. He reminds me of myself in my relationship with Benjamin. I was willing to do anything just to make sure he was happy and didn't regret the relationship. Maybe that's how he feels."

"Maybe. But that doesn't really matter when I don't think I love him anymore. I don't regret the relationship; it was a great experience and I'd keep going if I still loved him the same way. The thing is, I don't feel the same way. And I don't know how to break it to him. He's suffering from insanity as he waits for me to get back to him and tell him that we can start going out again. He doesn't sleep because I'm not there in the bed to assure him that he'll be okay when he wakes up."

"It does sound obsessive, yes. But I understand why he's like that. I understand completely what he's probably going through in his head. It's probably hell on Earth for him in his head."

"I understand far more than you probably know about what's going on with him. I know where he's coming from, but I— I just can't do it anymore."

"Then don't. If he's understanding, he'll accept it despite his feelings inside. If he loves you, he'll let you do what you feel is right. All in the simple vein that he wants you to be happy."

"I guess you're right, but I'm afraid of shattering him so hard that he can't put the pieces back together. It's bad enough that he doesn't have the motivation to grow out of being sixteen, but I feel like it's slowly gonna get to the point where I'm taking care of a child rather than dating the person I thought he was. He's sort of mentally stuck at sixteen."

"I'm not sure what to tell you other than: if you think that's what's going to happen, it will happen. You need to make the decision here and now. If you take him, then you'll be left to dig yourself deeper and deeper into the hole you're in. If you leave him, you can always come back if you want to. Make the decision that you think is right."

"I think I'm gonna break it off. Thanks for trying to help me out. I was really uncertain about it, and I'm feeling a bit more confident. When you go back down could you make him come up here?"

"Sure thing."

Francis stood, and descended with great speed. Madelyn felt anxiety in the pit of her stomach as Bonnie's footsteps slowly grew closer. She didn't want to tear him open like this, but there wasn't much choice. She didn't want things to continue this way. She wanted to love him, but she didn't. She wanted him to be happy, but she couldn't do it for him. She didn't know what to do.

Madelyn looked up as the door creaked open slowly. He stepped in, yawning. She began shaking slightly, as he sat down next to her.

"Do we really need to talk about this? I already know how this ends," Bonnie said depressingly.

"Yeah, we're still gonna talk about it regardless. You may think you know exactly what I have to say, but I want you to listen." Madelyn took a breath before she began again. "I don't love you anymore. I don't want to force myself to stay with you when I can't give you the feeling that you desire. This isn't based on you, this is based on me. Yeah, there may have been things that worried me about the relationship at first, but I don't think they're all that fair. I just have to be honest with you, because I don't want you to have false feelings."

"I can't say this is surprising. I expected it at some point, I just knew I'd never be ready for it. But, I'm going to respect your decision, and just deal with it. Despite how much it pains me to be in this situation, there's no point in my trying to do anything about it."

"You're a lot more understanding and accepting to this than I expected you to be."

"I mean, what am I really going to do about it? What could I say to change your mind? There's a very narrow set of useful responses. Might as well just accept it. But, catch me sobbing in my room tonight."

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh at that last statement, or worry for you."

"Fuck if I know. Guess we'll talk in passing."

"I guess so."

Bonnie stood and walked away, trying to hold his tears inside of his throat. He didn't want to cry, for fear that she'd change her mind. If it was truthfully what she wanted, then he was okay with accepting it, no matter how far apart his heart split. He felt helpless in a lot of situations, and for once he felt like he'd mattered to someone. He had to silently smile and watch all of it burn to the ground.

He still had the happy memories of it all, but as he thought back to them he just wished that he could go back to that time. The times when he felt like no other, when he felt special. He knew that he set himself up for heartbreak by building up the future so far in his mind. He was counting the eggs before they hatched, knowing something was destined to go wrong.

It all made him wish that he were dead again. He had those same feelings of dread and anxiety leading up to the time just before he asked Freddy out. He had the same feelings of depression and loneliness when he'd said no. That void couldn't just be filled with someone else again, because there was no one else to go to. It didn't help that he'd have to see her face and be reminded every day.

He supposed they'd essentially been split for the past few weeks as it was anyways. They didn't speak to one another but on occasion, he didn't pester her about his feelings. He just kept them all bottled up in his stomach, and it was only now that he could tell that they were finally ready to spill over. The cork wouldn't fit in the wine bottle that kept his feelings anymore. He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but his heart was telling him to throw up his feelings.

But he didn't listen to his heart, he listened to his brain saying that he just needed to hold it in and not burden anyone else with his thoughts. Go back to writing in that journal where no one ever read it, and he could say whatever he wanted.

He shut and locked the door to his room, grabbing the two-thirds-filled notebook sitting on the desk and a pencil. He flipped to a blank page and just began writing words and phrases to describe his feelings.

'Betrayed, depressed, alone, broken, useless, unloved, distrustful, I just want to scream, boys don't cry,' and so many more. His thoughts just continued to run more rampant, spitting words onto the page as quickly as possible to get out. 'What did I do, who do I talk to, who loves me anymore.'

When he was done, he'd filled an entire page with scribbled words and questions that still swirled in his mind. He didn't know how to call for help in a situation like this. The person that had always been his help, his saving grace, was gone. Not gone in the sense he couldn't talk to her anymore, more in the sense that she wasn't an option. She couldn't help him battle the anxiety pains he felt in his chest like she had three years ago.

He slid down, laying his head on his pillow and laying his journal down on his chest in silence. He stared up at the ceiling, wishing that sleep would take him away from his living nightmare, even though he knew his brain would put him into a worse nightmare. He couldn't help but wonder what he could've done so things didn't go the way that they did. He wondered what he could've done to fix it all.

Even though she told him it wasn't because of him, he still felt like he did it. It was his fault for the whole thing, it was his fault that she didn't love him anymore. He wanted to know what he'd done, what he could do to fix it, what words he could've said to save the moment. But he didn't even bother to protest, knowing he would never figure it out. He loved her more than she would ever know, and he had to live with not being able to share that with her any longer.

What worried him most was how the next coming days would be. Would he be kicked out? Would he have to find somewhere else to go? He didn't want to find out, because it tore him to shreds thinking about it. Not being around the one he loved more than life itself, not trying to mend the broken relationship he wanted back so desperately, not doing anything to help his mind come to terms with the reality he lived in. It was destroying him from the inside out already, and he could tell that his life would soon fall to pieces beyond repair.

He could tell that simply things just weren't intending to go his way, and he couldn't live with that. His heart ached and longed for permanence in love. A relationship that he could be in until the end of his days, one where he didn't feel like a lesser. One where he didn't feel like he wasn't loved. One like what he had with Madelyn.

He knew he was self-destructive, allowing his mind to continue racing with all of the thoughts of it being his fault. Letting his heart rip itself in two and beat itself to a pulp because he felt guilty. He sighed, knowing that he'd be a mess in the morning. He knew if he fell asleep he wouldn't be able to bring himself to crawl out of bed, he would refuse to eat and just fill up on anxiety and sadness. It was a cycle he'd never find a way to break simply because his past was the way it was, and there was no changing it. It scarred him and burned him up inside, and he couldn't find the things that had once healed him to be helpful anymore. Especially because they weren't so easily accessible.

If the relationship had just lasted a few more months, maybe he would've been able to stomach the breakup. Take it all in, and just move on. Maybe if he had those few more months enjoy himself, feel the love he desperately needed, maybe then he'd feel better. Maybe then he'd be able to grow up and be an adult.

He hadn't had a normal life, to say the very least. He needed something to fill the void that had been left in his soul from where he needed affection and friendship. Someone to rely on because his parents were never there. Someone that he needed to make him feel like he finally mattered. Someone to make him feel loved, appreciated, and accepted. But in the midst of the fog clouding his mind, he couldn't find it. Every feeling he'd ever given for someone ended up left at the door, a package delivery they never wanted to open.

* * *

**4,016** **words.**


	3. Choke

It never felt right. Whenever he was alone, everything just felt off. With a broken heart and no one to vent to, he didn't know what to do. He hadn't spoken to anyone in weeks and had done nothing to start the conversation. He was so afraid of what was going on in their minds and what would be said that he didn't want to bother them.

He felt weak and broken, but he simply didn't want to express his feelings to someone who didn't care about him. His life slowly became nothing more than cycles of crying and silence in his room, occasionally daring to venture outwards to feed himself, though rarely.

He missed the quiet softness of Madelyn's lips; the warmth of her hugs, her body against his; and her soothing voice when he was feeling sorrowful. And even if he could move past those things, there would always be something that he wished he still had. Something that he'd always wish was still with him. The picture frame on his nightstand served as an eternal reminder of what good times they'd had, and what he'd never get back. At night, in particular, he got extremely emotional.

One night, around a week after they'd been apart, once the house had gone silent and all the lights were out, he sat quietly in the dark against the side of his bed on the floor. There he sobbed silently to himself, trying to get out all of the tears he could so he wouldn't have to deal with them in the morning. It was at the height of where it was most painful for him, and he didn't want to break down in the morning. But no matter what, there was always a voice sounding at the back of his mind, one that said firmly to him, "Bonnie, boys don't cry. Stop being such a baby."

It was one that he'd carried with him since he left home. The nagging, smoker voice of his mother telling him to stop crying. Those words had stuck with him since he was fourteen, and in five years he hadn't forgotten them. He still listened to them whenever he was crying to himself. He always stopped himself. He remembered how much he'd wanted to reach up and backhand her at the time.

Yet even still, he listened to her words.

There would always remain a part of him that believed firmly in expressing the way you felt, not holding anything back. Silence was never something he actively wanted to participate in. Even still, he always tried to suppress his own tears and emotions.

When he sat at the bottom of his closet after losing his confidence to ask Madelyn out, the time that had solidified his fears that he was not anyone's first choice, that everyone would rather someone else. The time when they took a break and Madelyn experimented with Freddy when he ended up in the shower sobbing because he was under so much mental pressure. And now that they had broken up, he was sat against his bed sobbing again and still trying to suppress himself.

He was a mess at the end of the day, and he couldn't fix himself. He needed someone there, he needed someone to tell him that everything he felt was normal and that he shouldn't be ashamed. He couldn't tell it to himself because of what was going on in his mind, he could never stabilise his own thoughts. There was never a time where he could think straight, it all just turned up a muddled mess in his mind.

He allowed his tears to continue rolling down his face, before eventually slipping into a light state of unconsciousness that night. He laid in the floor even still and wasn't too quick to stand when morning had come on that day.

Now he was sat quietly at his desk, staring down blankly at the journal page below him. He'd been trying to make a note for himself to get a new one, as the one he had was a few pages short of being full, but failed to get one even still. The pen next to him was silently calling to him, as he tempted the thought of using up the last few pages to do an entry like he had many years ago around a similar time.

After it had been written, things ended up better for him. So who was to say that it wouldn't somehow happen again? So though he was hesitant, he did end up writing an entry for himself.

It's been four weeks since the breakup at this point, and I'm going fucking insane. I feel like nothing without her, but there's nothing I can say that will change her mind at this point. She wants to move outside of our relationship and see other types of guys. I just have no place in her life anymore, and I ought to accept that fact. But it's just been so hard.

She took up all of me. She was my world, my everything, and to see it all ripped away isn't something I can just brush off. My heart still aches as my body calls out for hers. I lay in bed at night sometimes crying to myself, wishing in sorrow that she would change her mind and want me back. But I know it's not worth hoping on, she doesn't want me. I've been telling myself for four weeks to accept that, but it's been harder than ever. It's been so difficult to just move on because I'd always had her to talk to in the past.

Sure, there was the time when she and Freddy were a thing for a short period, but I was given months to get over that. I live with her and her brother, so it's hard to get by every day seeing her. We don't even talk casually anymore. I don't come to her with my problems the same way I did before we had our relationship, it's just too hard for me. I'm so fearful that she'll brush me off and tell me to get over myself.

In reality, it's irrational to think that. She was never that type of person. But the fear that there's a chance of it is absolutely overwhelming, so much to the point that I don't want to vent my problems to her. It feels wrong.

Because at the end of the day, my problem lies with her and my own insecurities, and there's nothing that I can do to help this. I'm not trying to place the blame, there's just nothing I can do at this point. I'm not stable enough to handle this on my own. I don't want to make it seem like it's her responsibility because it shouldn't be. I'm the one who's grappling with these feelings, I should be the one to fix my heart. But I just can't.

I've never been able to control my thoughts and feelings, but it's always felt wrong letting them roam free. They're too powerful for me to cage them up so I never know what to do. I want help, but I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. I'm so confused about what I'm supposed to do.

He set his pen and shut the book, leaving it on the desk as she picked himself up just to flop over on his bed again. He stared up at the ceiling in silence, looking for some sort of divine guidance, something to give him the strength to hold out. Next week, he'd be going back to work for the pizzeria the same way he always had, just without accommodations provided by the company. It scared him.

He didn't want to be the only one still working there, but he knew for a fact he'd be going there without Madelyn. There was an uncertainty as to whether or not he would see Freddy again, but he was split on which he would prefer. There was a part of him that wanted to see the brunet again, catch up a bit after everyone had to leave, and the other firmly stood on the other side of the fence. Seeing his face made Bonnie fear more bad memories would come up, and he'd be unable to work.

There was no beating around the bush, though, he would have to go back to work in due course. He needed to strengthen the dye in his hair and clean his mind up before then, but one seemed more achievable than the other within the week. He sighed, unsure of what to do. There would be no therapy until he could be paid, but that would be a while from now. But he needed to be fixed, he needed someone who could help him. He guessed he would just have to wait and see how things played out.

The sun descended in the sky until the night fell once again, and Bonnie felt alone more than ever. Lights in the house had gone out, and he was by himself in silence once again. Not that it particularly mattered, as he was alone anyway. But something about the darkness made him feel even lonelier than he already did. He couldn't tell what it was, but it strung his heartstrings a little tighter when the moon rose into the sky.

Maybe it was the fact that he'd so long associated the night with intimacy. For the past three years, there had been someone to curl up and fall asleep with, someone to be there to comfort him and warm him. He had grown used to the presence of another in the starlit sky, but now he was left without it. It felt wrong.

That thought brought up even more memories of what they used to do, and everything that he missed about the relationship. The framed picture on his nightstand stared him in the face every time he would try to go to sleep, and he was forced to look at it with teary eyes, hoping all of that would someday return. He missed everything he ever could've missed about her, and she was right down the hall. He felt trapped.

Caged up and put on the sidelines to watch the rest of his life crumble before him slowly, every last shred of sanity torn away from him until it broke him. Until he was curled up at the bottom, covering his face awkwardly with his hands and shivering violently, scarred by everything he'd witnessed.

He wanted out, but there was no way out. He had to be here, he had to take every day as it came. But it was to the point where it was slowly degrading him and breaking him, taking the shards of his soul and splitting them into smaller and smaller pieces. Death couldn't come fast enough for him.

He sat up and pulled his knees to his chin, wrapping his arms around them. He was trying not to cry as memories of their first kiss, each date they'd had, and so many other, smaller moments and memories flashed in his head. But tears spilt over without any sign of letting up, falling like a tsunami. He didn't want to remember, he didn't want to be plagued by the fact that she had been everything to him, and then she broke that everything.

She didn't want him anymore, and he felt like a doll. One that had been played with for many years, until he couldn't be played with anymore. Then a shinier, newer doll came in and replaced him. He was relished to a cardboard box on the top shelf, with other discarded toys. He never knew if he'd ever come back down from the dark closet shelf, and wanted nothing more than to be played with again. He was claustrophobic.

But in the end, he was helpless to free himself from the box, and would never be brought down again except to sell off to the next owner who would eventually drop him in a box in just the same way. His heart and mind couldn't handle the idea of constantly being discarded when the other person didn't feel like playing with him anymore. He would always have to watch them outgrow him, start leaving him on the dresser or on the floor to be picked up eventually only to be put away forever.

When he finally fell asleep, he woke up late the next afternoon and felt ready to go back to sleep. He just wanted to hibernate until a time where he felt better, where all of his sadness and anxiety left him. He didn't want to try to push on in this situation, because merely pushing himself up after waking was a chore in itself. Each sunrise he knew that nothing was going to change, so he didn't even know why even bothered getting up.

He sat up and looked around the room with blurry eyes, sighing to himself. The day promised a whole lot of nothing for him, and he would likely not do much more than sit in his room quietly to mope and brood by himself. He wished he could get over himself in the same way he'd always been told to, but he just didn't have that mental and emotional strength. He couldn't stop thinking about the whole situation.

Not to mention, he'd been exclusively ignored since it all happened. Neither one of them had tried to start any sort of conversation with him, get him talking and not thinking. Without that sort of interaction, it was even more difficult to get over it because he was always thinking about it. He wondered if it hadn't been just a situation of falling out of love, and was a situation where she'd grown to hate him completely. She hadn't checked up on him in the time since, she hadn't questioned him as he kept to himself and tried to hide as much as possible, and it all felt like she was just trying to get rid of him.

Whenever he would be downstairs just to grab food or something, he felt out-of-place, like he didn't deserve to be among them. He felt ostracised and isolated, with no one bothering to check on his mental state. He needed help now more than ever, but there was none of it to be found. A part of him always knew he had to ask, but it fought with his other half that said no one cared enough, leaving him on his own.

He sighed to himself again as he stood, and dressed for the day casually. He didn't wear his normal clothes for the simple fact that they'd created a bit of a tired look that he didn't want to continue, at least for the time being. He put on a short sleeve shirt, before draping a jacket over himself. He went back and forth in his mind about continuing to wear it, but no less put it on. Long sleeves just felt more comfortable to him.

He glanced to the clock, noticing that it was almost one in the afternoon. He placed his arms and chin down on the top of the dresser and silently wondered if all of this was even worth it. It wouldn't be long before he'd just be sat alone in bed again for the night. He wanted to break free of the cycle, but he knew for the time being it was pointless. Asking would get him nowhere, and running away would do him no good with nowhere to go. He didn't know what to do.

Another part of running away was the fact that he was ignoring his problems instead of dealing with them. On top of that, he was tired of running. He was tired of having to go away when things got too tough for him to deal with, but he didn't know any better way. When he ran away from his parents, things worked out decently for him and he ended up feeling a lot better in the end. It seemed to work for him, so he wasn't going to give it up.

At last, he mustered the will to step outside of his room just to get something to eat. He went downstairs and made himself something to eat without a word or eye contact. He simply put together a simple ham and cheese sandwich so he could go back upstairs quickly. Every time he came down the stairs, he felt as though they were both watching his every move carefully, and it didn't sit right with him. Yet at the same time, he wanted to be talked to. He was so confused as to what his life was at this point, uncertainty fuelled his every thought.

All he could do at that point was wait for the week to come and go so he could spend most of his days at the pizzeria instead of here. He could fill his time with work instead of crying, and try to at least feel a little better. Though, he wasn't totally certain things would work out exactly how he wanted them to. Either way, he would have to warm up his fingers for guitar work again, as it had been a few weeks since he'd properly used it.

When he was done putting his food together, he dashed up the stairs quickly to lock himself in his room again to eat and begin practice. Madelyn stopped him about halfway to his door after he'd passed her room.

"Hey Bonnie, how're you doing?" she asked.

"Not swimmingly, I can say that much," Bonnie replied honestly.

"Do you want to talk about it? Because I know this is probably really tough on you."

"We can talk about it later. I don't wanna talk about it right now, I was about to start practising the guitar for when I head back to work next week."

"Oh yeah, they're opening back up again. I forgot about that."

"Yeah, I'm going back to work there, at least for the time being."

"Good to hear. I hope that you feel better, I'm sure you'll get through it."

"Thanks for the encouragement."

"You're welcome."

That had been the first conversation they'd had since the breakup, and it had been a little too short for Bonnie's tastes overall. He wished he would've had the courage to say something about his feelings, to ask for help, but he didn't. He said they would talk later, but he knew he wasn't going to talk later. He would refuse then too.

A labyrinth of words and feelings had come to lose him, the tunnel never seeming to have an end, much less a light. He turned a blind eye to his own feelings when they mattered most just to remain in good standing, and he hated himself for it. There should've been some communication, some cry for help, but he stayed still and refused to open his mouth. It was slowly burning him up, to say the least.

The week came and went, and before long Bonnie was returning to work after it took them a bit to get the new business model sorted out. He hadn't been particularly looking forward to it, but he still came back no less. It got him out of the house, doing something other than sitting in the dark feeling sorry for himself. Chica had been the only one to show her face besides him, and he was glad to have her company. On the first day back when they were locking up, they had a bit of a conversation to themselves.

Bonnie went into the back to get some of the extra guitar strings that had been left there, as his own strings were worn down and needed to be replaced. He slapped himself mentally for not doing it this morning, but there was nothing he could do. He made his way back to the front, sitting on the same stool he did to perform as he began the process to restring his guitar. Chica approached him in silence, pulling up a chair of her own to face him.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked, focusing more intently on getting the current strings undone than an actual conversation.

"Nothing, really. I just sorta noticed you seem a bit out of it. Everything okay?" she asked him.

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"Bonnie, don't play this game with me. I can tell you aren't fine and need to talk about something, so just let yourself. Don't feel the need to hide it. You can still trust me."

"I know, it's just- I don't know if I'm particularly ready to address it."

"Well, you never will address it if you don't here and now."

Bonnie sighed. "Madelyn and I broke up, and it's been really hard on me lately. You know we ended up living together when they took away our ability to stay here, so I've essentially been seeing her everyday anyways. For awhile I thought it would just be a temporary thing like she was just sorta holding off on the relationship until she got comfortable living with her brother and all that. But it's been a number of weeks since she broke it off, and I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to anyone about it."

"I get it. That's a hard situation to bring yourself to talk about when you're living with the person in question. Could you not have gone to her brother about it, though?"

"He's her sibling, I figured there would be a bias to her side. He's also made it clear he doesn't like me. So in the end, he'd probably tell me to just stop being a pussy and get over myself."

"I see. I don't understand why people have to be like that, but it just happens sometimes."

"And more than anything, I've wanted to get away from them. Mainly from her. So I don't have to see her face and be reminded of what used to be. I want to heal, but I can't do it if she's there, because it feels like I'm being haunted."

"Well, I would offer you a place to stay with us. We have a guest room and all that. But I don't know how Freddy would take it."

"It'd probably leave a bad taste in his mouth. He'd probably force me to leave no matter how much I begged and pleaded for him to let me stay, and it'd all be a waste of breath."

"How about we go today and just see? If things don't work out, I'll take you back to Madelyn's and try to talk to him about it. I'm sure he could sympathise with your situation, though. It's not unheard of for him."

"I guess we could try, though I'm not too optimistic."

"Well, finish restringing your guitar, and we'll see how things go. I promise you I'll do my best to help you through this."

"Even if it doesn't work out, thank you so much for your help, Chica. I can't thank you enough for trying to help me through this."

"Of course. You're a friend."

Later that evening, Bonnie and Chica stood at the door of the apartment she shared with Freddy. The blue-haired boy couldn't help but feel a sense of dread pooling in his stomach, fearing what his former boss might say to him about the situation.

He knocked timidly, waiting for the brunet to make his appearance. When the door swung open, Freddy stood there with an unimpressed expression on his face. Bonnie grinned sheepishly, saying nothing at first before Chica slugged him in the shoulder.

"Hey, sorry about just showing up at your door randomly, but I was wondering if you would let me stay in the guest room, if only for a brief period?"

"No," Freddy replied simply. "If you need a place to stay so badly, get off your ass and work towards it. C'mon Chica."

"Freddy, be a little more sympathetic," the blonde argued. "Bonnie's been going through a lot and needs a place to stay away from it all."

"Doesn't matter to me. I had to push through any tough situation that I've been in, Bonnie oughta do the same thing."

Chica pulled him aside for a moment, whispering to him quietly what was going on. They stood there for a moment, eyes locked as she pleaded with him silently to allow him to stay. Freddy took a moment to turn it over in his head, think about it properly before saying what he thought.

"Fine," Freddy said at last, "you can stay. But not forever. You need to figure something out at some point."

"Thank you so much," Bonnie replied. "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that."


	4. Return

She didn't notice his silence. She didn't acknowledge his existence. He was invisible to her, and he felt his heart pang every time he'd walk by her room. Each time he saw her face, he remembered he had no hope left. So he ran away.

He sought shelter and help from friends long passed. He'd showed up and Freddy's apartment door with Chica one day, given they still worked together. Needless to say, the brunet was not impressed and wasn't all-too-eager to allow Bonnie a place to stay. But Chica coerced him into it all, and Bonnie just stood by and did what he was allowed to do. He went silently to his room every day after work and didn't bother anyone. He went out to eat with the money that he got, and was passive to everyone else.

He knew he was intruding, but he didn't really have any choice. He was eventually fired from the pizzeria because the vibe the managers got from him was off-putting. He knew he was depressed, but he never showed it, so it was hard for him to understand what it was. He got another job working at a fast food place as the cashier. It required interacting with people, which triggered his anxiety, but he grew used to it.

His mind had gone numb and he didn't think about her anymore. It hurt him to think about everything, so he just let his mind run freely away. He spaced out a lot more, but Chica said he seemed a lot happier. He didn't know how true that was, but he wasn't about to argue with her.

He bleached his hair, letting it go back to his natural blonde colour. His friends said he looked so unfamiliar, but he didn't notice it.

It happened to be a slow day at work, and he was just waiting for his lunch break. Someone came in that he recognised, someone he hadn't thought about in three months. The same short white hair, the same pink-dusted cheeks, the same soft green eyes. She hadn't changed a bit. He felt his heart twinge as she walked up in front of him and made her order. Once she was finished, she started making conversation with him.

"Y'know, you remind me of someone…. Someone I lost contact with a couple months ago," she said to him.

He faked a chuckle, "Do I now? Not sure I recall." He remembered vividly what happened.

"Yeah, you just look really similar to him. Are you his brother that he always talked about?"

"No, I'm an only child," he lied. He just wanted this conversation to be over with.

She eyed him suspiciously, but he soon handed her the food she'd ordered, and she left. He sighed of relief once she did, and grabbed something from the back to eat before going on break. He hadn't wished to start thinking about her again, it'd all just been forced upon him. It took every fibre of his being to not break down right there. Call out to her, and say he needed help and that he missed her.

He sat in a booth in the corner and silently began eating. He didn't know what else to do. He looked up briefly and noticed she'd slid into the seat in front of him.

"Hello," he said, mouth half full.

"You're cute, y'know?" she asked him.

He blushed. "Th-thank you. People don't say things like that to me very often."

"You sound and look just like him. He just liked to dye his hair blue and white. He's a natural blonde, he just- Bonnie, is that you?"

She said his name and his sense heightened. Her eyes catch his nametag.

"Why did you lie?" she asked him.

He looked at her face, mouth still somewhat full of food. He swallowed quickly, before answering. "I just wanted to get the conversation over with. I ran away because I didn't want to think about you so much, and it was working until now."

"I wasn't going to ask for your clarification for running, I was just worried that you were gone forever. I thought I'd never see you again."

"What does it matter anyway? You never talked to me after the breakup, I thought you'd stopped caring about and acknowledging my existence entirely. I had to run away because my mind was getting too much for me to handle."

"Where do you live now?"

"I live with Freddy and Chica. Chica was nice enough to convince Fred to let me stay. Bless her."

"Bonnie, I just— I was so worried that you'd end up living under a bridge or something, I just didn't want to see that happen to you. Have you been getting better?"

"I felt a lot better until you came in. I was finally moving on, finally forgetting. But seeing your face again just brought back all the previously happy memories I wish more than anything I could go back to. I just don't want to remember because it hurts too much."

"I know how it feels. It's kinda quiet without you around."

"It was quiet with me around. It was dead silent while I was around."

"I know, but— you could've talked to me about it. We could've worked something out."

"I didn't want to pester you about it. You made your decision about the breakup, and I did my best to respect that. It wasn't my place to poke and prod at you even further. I just left my questions to spill out in the form of tears, letting them go on the wind. And once I got away, they all went away. I didn't have to see you every day and resist the urge to ask you what I did wrong. Once I got away, I finally felt— free."

"I'm glad to hear you were happier, but the least you could've done was tell me you were leaving. You just packed up your bags and went one day in the early morning for work and never came back. You didn't leave a note, you didn't warn anyone. You worried me to fucking death."

"I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to make me stay. I just wanted to go and try to forget it all. And I think it helped me feel better, in the end. But I will say that while we were up there talking, I wanted to cry and tell you that I still love you more than you'll ever know. But I didn't, because I know that it won't help me out."

"Yeah, about that. I've been uh— I've been seeing a number of other guys."

"In just the short few months we've been split? I left two and a half months ago, how have you had multiple other guys in that time?"

"I go through them so quickly because they aren't everything you were to me. You weren't just my boyfriend, you were my friend, the person who I could rely on regardless of what happened. It took me so long to realise how much I love you. I'm sorry it took all of this."

"I just don't think I'm ready to get on this rollercoaster ride again. I haven't fully recovered. I just don't know if I want to risk getting my heart broken again. It was hard to watch you go with Freddy. If you decided at long last you didn't want the relationship in all reality, then I couldn't take it anymore. That would just be the end of me. The sadness, anxiety, depression, minor anger, heartbreak, and all the other negative emotions would overwhelm me and I don't think I could stop myself from ending it all. I don't want to risk that."

"I know it's scary, but will you at least come back to live with us again? Francis found out you were the brother of his ex, and he's been hounding me up and down for the past three months to bring you back so he could apologise to you in hopes you'd relay it to your brother."

"I lost contact with my brother getting close to six years now. I haven't talked to that deserting bastard properly since I was fourteen. I don't know where the fuck he is, I don't know what the fuck he's doing. I don't have any sort of contact with the fucker."

"Bonnie I thought you loved your brother…."

"I did. Until I got my head clear and I thought for a second. He did help me out, but then he went off to college without a second word. He didn't give me any way to contact him, he didn't keep trying to talk to me past his leave. I have a hard time believing he ever cared for me that much in the first place. He probably only did what he did because he knew I was the only one he was gonna have through the hellhole that was our family for the next three years."

"Don't say that, I'm sure he cared about you."

"Then explain why I'd have to hound him to talk to me at every family holiday dinner we had when he was home from college. Explain why I always went to bed hungry all of those nights, wanting to puke my guts out because my brother was someone completely different from the guy I knew in some cases just months earlier. Anyways, that's not what this is about. I don't want to come back right now."

"Then is there any way to contact you?"

"I don't want contact with anyone right now. I want to mend and make sure my mind is totally clear before I bother trying to be super social and get back into the whole love game."

"You said it yourself that you still have feelings for me."

"I know what I said. But just because I said it doesn't mean that I'm totally ready to accept another getting back together. I want to trust you that this will have been the last time, and now we're just gonna be each others' for eternity. But I can't take one more heartbreak. I can't take the fear that it's all just going to happen again. Another three years, maybe more, and the love just dissipates. That is the moment in which my life ends, and I don't want to risk that right now."

"I understand Bonnie but I— I miss you so much."

"I'm sure you do, but imagine how I felt from the moment we broke up until now. Imagine how that affected me, someone who lived with you, someone who relied on you to help me understand what life would be for me. I needed you to be the shining light in my life because I had no one else. When we broke up, that light was taken away and I was plunged back into a dark room without any way to see my own hand in front of my face. Now I'd love to keep talking to you, but my break is up and I gotta go before my manager yells at me."

Madelyn sighed. "Guess I'll see you around."

"See ya."

Bonnie went on through the day as normal, but whenever he got a free moment, he started thinking about the conversation again. Why in the world would she suddenly start loving him again after three months? It didn't make sense to him in the slightest. He missed her dearly, and he felt like she was taking advantage of that. Or at least she did so once she knew who he was. He could feel his skin crawling whenever he thought about it.

He got back to Freddy and Chica's apartment and shut himself up in his room again. Chica noticed that he'd seemed a bit on edge. She stood and wandered into his room as he was changing.

"Hey, Bonnie you—"

"Jesus!" Bonnie said quickly before sighing. He stood there in his boxers and a t-shirt, his jeans in his hands. "Chica, do you have to scare the absolute living shit out of me?"

"Sorry, I should've knocked. But, I just wanted to know, did anything happen today?"

"Madelyn showed up at work today to order something, and I had a break right after she ordered. She sat with me and had a chat."

"Did she recognise you?" Chica said with a smirk playing to her lips.

"Not at first, she had to look at my name tag. I did look familiar, but she didn't think it was me because of the blonde hair."

"I told you it made you look like a different person. But, back to the topic, what'd you two talk about?"

"She caught me up on what she'd been doing. She apparently managed to see multiple guys within the past two and a half months but broke up with all of them because she apparently still loves me. She invited me to come back and stay with her, and that our relationship could go back to normal."

"That's good, right? So you said yes?"

"Nope. I'm not ready for the risk of another heartbreak. Because I know the moment we break up again, that's going to be the end of my life. I won't see the sun again after that moment."

"Are you so certain that things will turn sour again?"

"I'm not certain, just fearful. I don't want to be so emotional to the point where I take myself out of this world, but I know that if it does end up happening, my mind won't allow me to take over when necessary. I just can't risk that yet. Not knowingly."

"I get that, but this may be your only chance to rekindle things."

"Based on what she said when we broke up, I'm not too certain it would all go well."

"What did she even say?"

"Something along the lines of the fact that she didn't feel she loved me anymore. I don't know if she's totally honest in saying that she realised what she didn't have without me. I don't feel ready to do this all over again yet."

"When are you going to feel ready, then? She sounds like she knows where her mistake was. So why didn't you take her at her word?"

"Remember like two years ago? When she ended up dating Freddy? I feel like if I had said nothing, if I hadn't made a big deal of it, then she wouldn't have come back. I feel like it's my tears, my screams for help that bring her back every time. I don't want to be a child in that regard. I don't want to be that type of person, it honestly tears at me and kills me inside."

"It sounds like she genuinely wants you to be happy, at least to me. Maybe you should stop worrying so much."

"The last thing I want to feel like is a burden, that's why it took me a bit to get figured out and settled in here because I feel like I'm nothing but problematic for Freddy here. I know he doesn't want me here, and I just sorta have to ignore it. Plus, I'll probably go visit her at some point and we can properly talk it out."

"I want you to, Bonnie. I want you to figure things out with her because I know you loved her more than your own life. It was obvious even previously, but the fact that you had to run away because you didn't want to acknowledge the split shows that. And I'm surprised you were mature enough to recognise why you were unhappy and figured out what to do to fix it. Most people would just sit and endure the pain with a smile."

"I'm just so tired of not being happy. It'd gone on for sixteen straight years before she came along, and I didn't want to feel the chest pains anymore. I was tired of it all. I just needed time to think, time to get over myself. And I feel like running away was a detriment to me because I didn't get over it, I just forgot about it. When I saw her walk in, I was ready to break."

"But you got through a conversation with her without doing so, that shows growth. You're getting over it, even if only but at your slow pace. Not thinking and being reminded of the situation is the best way out of this type of thing. Trust me, I had a couple relationships in high school that ended the way that yours with her did, and it took me a long time to get over it because I had to see them every day. It's helping more than you think it is."

"I guess you're right. I'm just not sure if I wanna take back this relationship."

"All I can say is, go for it. And if things go sour, you can always run back here and I'll help you out."

"Thanks, Chica. I know you hadn't been there too much before the relationship started, but I have to thank you for being the friend to push me even to ask Freddy back in those times. The both of you wanted me to tell him my feelings, and I don't think any of this would've happened had I not been pushed by the both of you. Even if things didn't go totally my way, I had happy memories with her, and I guess that's all I could ever ask for."

"That's good to hear. Now get your things and go at her."

"I'm not gonna take my things just in case she says no, I'll come back for them."

"Alright, that's fine. Don't get your kidneys stolen, though. It's gonna be after dark by the time you get back."

"I'll remember that."

Bonnie stood and found his way outside quickly, and began walking off to Madelyn's house. His mind kept to itself as he walked. Despite the fact that he wasn't confident at all about what he was about to do, his feet still propelled him forward. He guessed that he had no real choice but to at least accept it for the moment. He had to take Chica's words to heart if things turned up poorly again.

The neighbourhood that surrounded the house wasn't too far away from Freddy's apartment building, so it wasn't long before he was wandering those streets. He was surprised that no one tried to stop him dead in his tracks and tried to understand what he was doing. He didn't really want to be bothered because of his thoughts bothering him enough.

He approached the house, knocking. He heard footsteps approach the door slowly only for it to swing open to reveal Francis.

"Bonnie, buddy!" Francis greeted him. "How are you today?"

"I don't have any contact with my brother, Francis. Sorry to burst your bubble," Bonnie replied. "Is Madelyn here?"

Francis glowered at him. "No," he replied before slamming the door in Bonnie's face.

Bonnie calmly knocked on the door again, and Francis opened it. "What?" the ginger said irritably.

Bonnie just gave him a look, causing him to sigh and fold under the pressure.

"Fine, she's upstairs. I'm surprised you're back after all of what you went through, though."

Bonnie didn't reply, and simply quickly ascended the house's steep stairs. He knocked on the closed door to Madelyn's room lightly, placing his other hand on the knob and calling her name as he opened it.

"Huh?" he heard her call. "Come in."

Bonnie swung the door open fully, revealing the fact that she was laying in bed, cuddling a stuffed animal that resembled that of a rabbit. He smiled at the cute sight.

"B-Bonnie?"

"Yeah. I'm here to take you up on your offer of getting back together," he replied.

She gave him a questioning look. "I thought you said that you weren't ready for the risk of it all."

He stepped forward, sitting on the bed at her feet. "I had a talk with Chica, and she had me realise that if I don't take the risk now, you may not ever let me take it again. But, I have one condition on which I'll take you up on your offer."

"And that would be?"

"This isn't a guilt thing. You don't feel guilty by my running away and my breakdown. I don't want to be in this relationship you try to break away from, and end up coming back to simply because of the fact that you feel guilty about leaving me. I don't like that feeling in the slightest, because I want this to be real. It hurts more to think that I'm nothing but a product of guilt than someone you actually love."

"I've never been with you for any amount of time because of guilt, don't feel like things would've been different had you not broken down. I do feel bad about how awful things were afterwards, but that would never be my reasoning for a relationship with you. I know it hurts you to think that it would be the reason, but it's not. I don't want you to think it is. I always try to be open with you about my feelings."

"That's good to hear. I just don't know half the time, and I honestly do feel like people like Freddy are only my friend because they pity me. I don't like feeling like that."

"I know. I've felt like that in the past, so I know exactly how it feels when you think about that, but I can assure you beyond a shadow of a doubt that my feelings are genuine for you. You're probably the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I still have no fucking clue as to how I let you go like that. I need you and you need me, we love each other. I think that honestly, I made a mistake. And I wanted you to know that, I just never knew how to find you. I love you, Bonnie."

"I love you, too. Even if I think that you could find someone way better than me, it would still stab my heart and throw it around until it's beaten, broken, and bleeding all over if I saw you with someone else. You have no clue how much how much it hurts to see someone that I've loved for so long to just go away."

"I know more than you think, but people experience that type of pain differently, so I guess maybe I don't know exactly what it is. I get the idea, though. It hurts a lot. But, here we are. We don't have to deal with that now."

"It's just hard to believe for me that this whole thing is the slightest bit real. I just feel like three months isn't a lot of time, and I feel like we resolved all of this too quickly. But I guess I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. Well, I gotta go back to Freddy's and grab my stuff. I think I'll just sleep over there for the night and be back tomorrow, is that fine?"

"I'd say it's fine with me."

"Alright. See you tomorrow."

Bonnie stood silently and walked out of the house. Francis glared at him as he walked by the kitchen and out of the door. The sun was already low on the horizon, though he didn't imagine the walk back taking too long. He passed by a number of people on bicycles, likely attempting to get home as soon as possible. As darkness covered the place just outside of the neighbourhood, he felt the wind begin to pick up.

He didn't remember any sort of storm being predicted for the night, so he just brushed it off as he continued his leisurely pace. When he finally did get inside, Freddy and Chica were nowhere to be found. He shrugged it off and went back to his room, preparing his things for tomorrow and falling asleep to be ready for tomorrow.


	5. Recovery

He awoke that morning, uncertain of whether or not yesterday had been real. Did she really show up where he worked, did she really want so desperately for him to return? Or was that all a figment of the dream world he lived in, a nightmare to taunt him endlessly, to hold it over his head that he ran away and that she didn't love him anymore. He didn't know who to go to, who to ask about the whole situation. His mind went to Chica, who he had talked to. He didn't know where she had gone off to, but he knew he had to ask her.

He pushed himself up, dressing in a normal t-shirt and shorts, his blonde hair doing nothing to make him stand out anymore. He looked in the mirror and didn't recognise himself as he began to comb out the tangles in his hair. He was totally different from the way he remembered, he had grown used to waking up to see the combination of blue and white in his hair, but now he looked so ordinary. Maybe that did something to help his anxiety because he finally felt the slightest bit of peace.

Once his routine was over with, he thanked whatever higher being there was that he didn't have to go into work today. He didn't feel like it, on top of the fact that he probably had to move back into Madelyn's place. He stepped out of his room, and Chica greeted him almost immediately.

"Good morning, Bonnie. You feeling any better than normal?" she asked.

"That depends. Did I talk to you yesterday about Madelyn showing up at work and inviting me back?"

"I don't really recall that, but you know I'm forgetful."

"I think I had a nightmare last night about it, about where she came and invited me back, and I was planning to do so because you convinced me that I may not get another chance with her. I went later that day, but it was growing dark so I came back here and neither of you were here."

"Oh wait, yeah, I do remember all of that. Yeah. That happened."

"Then, I'm feeling much better than normal. I'm gonna start packing up. Tell Freddy that I'll finally be out of his hair again and that he won't have to deal with me. I know he's been waiting a while for that one. I'll see you guys around, hopefully."

"Well it's good to hear things are going better, and I hope this won't be the last I see of you."

He smiled before disappearing into his room again and began to pack up. Things were finally looking up, he had some hope at long last. Maybe it wasn't a good thing that he was jumping to get back with Madelyn. Their relationship had ended, and he needed to move on. But she was the one who came to him and asked him for it. He'd been somewhat thinking about her ever since the breakup, and now he had a chance to see her again and maybe take things a bit differently.

Perhaps this time things could finally work out the way he always dreamed, things would turn out far better than they did the first time. He wouldn't have this inner fear that maybe things wouldn't work out, that maybe she was seeing or wishing for someone else. She told him that she had dated others and that it was him she wanted most. He felt more confidence than he did before, at last, he thought he was in a state to say he was mentally well.

He packed what little he did have into his bag, and set out almost immediately, walking silently with his things to Madelyn's, as his mind raced at what would happen. His giddy self had been brought back from the dead. Though he was cautious about what to trust her with, he still felt good about the future ahead. He still loved her, deep down, though it may have faded ever so slightly after the heartbreak. Nonetheless, he was still ready to bring back the relationship, so long as she was just as ready as he was.

Casually, he knocked on the door and waited, shifting his weight from his heel to his toe and back to his heel again repeatedly. He was slightly nervous that things weren't going to go exactly as he imagined, but he was still holding his head up. He wasn't totally sure if all of this was the true reality if it all had truly been as good as he imagined it would be, but he hoped against all hope that it was.

Her face emerged from the door, and she smiled, excited to have him back. She embraced him lightly before pulling away and inviting him in.

"It's so nice to have you back around here, Bon," she told him. "It's been especially quiet, so I'm glad that you forgive me for all the shit I put you through."

"It's quite alright, I understand how relationship turmoil goes. I figured it was bound to happen eventually," he replied calmly. "I just needed to be away because I was getting mentally unhealthy, and just couldn't take it anymore. Now that things are a bit better for me, I'm ready to try it all over again if that's what you want."

"I don't want to just start all over again, I want to promise you that I won't handle it as poorly as I did the first time. I've tried dating other guys, but they never quite left the lasting impact that you did. You mean more to me than I realised, and I'm sorry for doing what I did."

"Madelyn, it's okay. I'm better now. I'm over it. You don't need to keep apologising."

"Of course I do, I feel horrible for it."

"Well, don't. It's not the end of the world, I'm here now, there's nothing to apologise for, you've done everything you need to. I don't want you feeling horrible for something so understandable, just let it be."

"I'll try, I suppose. Anyways, what've you been up to, other than working?"

"I've just been trying to adjust to living life outside of the way we used to live. The way things at the pizzeria went, I just- I miss it all, to be honest. We didn't really have to worry about anything, but now I'm nearly twenty and still don't know a thing about what I'm supposed to be doing as an adult, and I'm not ready to be one. I have no clue on where to go."

"I suppose I feel the same way. Instead of how smoothly things were going before, with the both of us spending time together and not really caring about the rest of the world, I've had to get used to watching guys that catch my eye come and go, and the same for my brother's boyfriends. He always finds one he likes, but something bad happens, and I feel so sorry for him. Watching it happen hurts."

"I can imagine, with how things were going with you dating other guys. I would be correct to assume you at least grew attached to one or two, yeah?"

"I guess? There were never really any guys that stuck out, as I said. No one I could really cling on to and say that they were anything standout, like you. You very clearly had a passion for keeping the relationship alive and a genuine love for me, and I recognised that. No one else really ever made me feel that way."

"Aw, that's sweet of you to say. I never tried to think of it as a coping mechanism, I just kept it up because you were making me happy, I suppose. Your love was keeping me sane and your attention brought smiles my face had long forgotten. When all of that was gone, I felt lost and cold. I felt like I was left alone in the middle of darkness in the woods, and that's why I ran away. I couldn't stand that feeling, and I knew being around you without your acknowledgement was what made me feel like that.

"I think I just ended up loving you a bit too much for my own sake, never thinking about how things would go if you decided you didn't want it as a permanent thing. And I'm gonna keep that in mind going back into this, even though I think I'll still have some high hopes."

"Man, I never thought you wouldn't have an idea of what to do if things went awry."

"I didn't, I spent many sleepless nights just thinking about maybe what I had done wrong, or why I felt so awful. It sucked. But I'm better now, and that's all that matters."

"Right, well, we've been standing in the doorway for a bit too long, why don't you come in and unpack your things. Instead of the guest room, though, I want to share my room with you."

Bonnie smiled and proceeded, stepping inside of the place and ascending the steep stairs. It felt good to finally be in such a familiar place. The walls hadn't been painted over, the way the picture frames were arranged hadn't changed. It was all the same from when he left a few months ago.

Madelyn followed behind him, and as they stepped into her room she got in front of him, sitting down on the bed and looking around the room for something. She pulled a picture frame from her bedside table and stared at it with a smile. Bonnie put his bag on the floor of the bed, and sat beside her, pushing one arm to her other side and holding her hips with his hands. She looked up at him with a brighter expression than the picture, and Bonnie realised what it was.

It was a picture they'd taken just after their third date, winding down and getting ready to fall asleep. Neither had changed out of their nice clothes, and Madelyn was asleep in Bonnie's arms. He remembered taking that picture as though it were yesterday, and he couldn't believe she'd framed it at her bedside.

"I remember that picture," Bonnie said. "It was so clear to me on that night that you were beyond just a friend who pitied me, that it was all real and the relationship was working out better than I ever could've imagined. I took it then because of how happy I was, and how cute you looked. And you framed it."

"I never realised just how much it'd meant to you, I just framed it because I thought it was a cute picture of us. Definitely one of my favourites. And I can't tell for sure, but I think I miss the blue hair."

"Maybe one day I'll dye it back, but I'm kinda okay rocking the blonde for now. I don't like standing out as much as I did with it, it drew a lot of looks from people. Plus, it looks tacky with just normal clothes on. In the context of the job, it made a lot more sense. But I finally feel a lot more at peace with my natural colour."

"You're cute either way. I'll love you no matter how your hair looks." 

Bonnie smiled at her. He embraced her tightly, something he had missed in his time away. The feeling of her body against his had always comforted him because it felt so right. He always felt a lot better whenever they shared a hug or held each other at night. The physical contact, the intimacy, the closeness, it all culminated into something that felt like medicine to him. It made the chest pain, the sickness in his stomach and head, and the sore throat all go away.

She knew just how to play his heartstrings as if they created an instrument. She could play the heart beautifully and charmed him with each note. Of course, his mind went to music, but that was how best he could describe it. The melodies hypnotised him and set him in an unbreakable trance. He loved her with no doubt in his mind.

He laid back, and she looked at him and smiled. That was enough to fill him with glee, her smile being one of the most infectious things he'd ever had the privilege of witnessing. The relationship they'd left out to dry had been something he missed, and despite the fact that he was over it by the time she wanted to pick things back up, he was glad he didn't try to brush her off. But, it couldn't help but stick out in the back of his mind that she'd done something similar when they'd been working together.

She started going out with Freddy at the time, and he fell into a state of deep sorrow. Eventually, he managed to pull himself up from the waters of pain and was able to hold his head up high and be okay with it. That's when she found herself running to him again, and things went back to how they'd been. He had done something similar through this break-up, though arguably more severe.

He knew he couldn't handle the dread that came with every day, so he packed his things and went to live with someone else. His mind was in too dark of a place for him to handle being around her as often as he was, so he tried to distance himself as much as possible to keep himself from breaking. Of course, he did have his moments before he left. Nights spent crying alone, and one that he remembered in particular. It had been the night just after things had gone to shit.

Bonnie was silently crying to himself, sitting up against the side of his bed in the silence and darkness of his room. He was there all thanks to Madelyn. Ever since they'd moved, he hadn't seen much of her. On top of all of that, she'd decided to break up with him, tearing his heart to shreds and bludgeoning his soul. He still loved her with every last bit of his heart, but he knew it was for nought.

What had he become?

With her, he'd been happy and had gained the ability to hold his own. Without her, he had become like a scared child. He was so confused about where to go next in life, how to bring back the feeling of joy in his heart, and more afraid than ever of what was going to happen. Would his own mind swallow him whole in insanity, or would he find a way out of the rough patch?

He sobbed into his sleeves, trying his best to get himself to stop. It wasn't worth it, he shouldn't be crying over it. It happens all the time to everyone else, and they don't bat an eye. She had to watch herself tear his heart out, and she didn't show any emotion while she did so. What was wrong with him?

Maybe it was the fact that there was a phrase constantly stuck in his head, with an oh-so-familiar voice attached to it. The smoker's voice of his mother, as she told him, "Bonnie, boys don't cry. Stop being such a baby."

He had been fourteen at the time, trying to cope with the fact that he didn't have his brother guarding his back anymore. He was on his own in the world, trying to be everything that he couldn't be. In five years he hadn't forgotten those words and was still listening to them. He always thought about them when he was by himself, trying to get his feelings out in the form of tears. Whenever they popped up again, he remembered how much he wanted to reach up and bitch slap her. Yet, he still listened when he was reminded of them.

When he sat in the bottom of the closet after losing his confidence to ask Madelyn out. The time that had solidified his fears that he wasn't anyone's first choice, that everyone would rather someone else. The time when they took that break and Madelyn experimented with Freddy. When he ended up in the cold shower, sobbing because he was under so much mental pressure. And now that they had truly broken up, and he was sat against his bed, sobbing once again. Continuously trying to suppress the tears, trying to choke them back and swallow them.

He had expected for so long to be able to hold the relationship for as long as possible, to have someone to be next to until the end of time. Someone that he could talk to when he needed it, someone that could be his rock to lean on when things got to tough for him to handle. But seeing all of that fall down, it broke him beyond belief. It was a genuine situation where she didn't love him anymore, and he didn't know what to do.

His head was spinning, his mind was everywhere but in the moment, and he yearned to reach out and hug someone. He wanted so badly just to feel the physical attention he'd now lost. The feeling of comfort and solace that he held onto every night, the one thing that kept him moving in life, it was all gone. There wasn't anything he could do about it, either. Things like this were so complicated for him, as he didn't wish to press or overstep his boundaries, but never had any idea what that meant. He kept to himself as a result.

Something always seemed to be wrong with him, he couldn't take a moment for himself just to breathe. There was always something on his mind that kept him from feeling okay, and something was bound to go wrong once he finally got a shred of happiness to hold onto. This whole situation was more than a good example of that, it was the _perfect_ example.

There had been stress surrounding where they would go, where they would live. And once all that had been over, he started worrying that he wasn't doing enough for her, and she was considering something drastic. He didn't want her to go through with breaking up with him, because she was all he had left. Now it'd finally happened, just as he'd feared it would, and he had no control over it. He felt alone in the world again, just how he'd felt before he ran away from his parents.

She'd abandoned him just as his brother had five years ago, and he had no one to turn to and ask for help. He couldn't support his own emotional instability, and he could feel his abandonment issues only grow further. He didn't want to go away and try to make ties with new people, because he knew that they would untie the knots and leave him again. Everyone he ever loved in any sort of way did that.

He loved his brother because he'd helped him through all those rough times when he felt alone. He taught him the things he wanted to be taught, and he was the parental figure he never had. Madelyn had been just the same, though it was a different type of love. A romantic attachment to someone who understood what was wrong with him better than he did, she was everything he'd missed after his brother went off to college and never spoke to him again. She came to be a friend and help fix him up and get him back on his feet. Now he didn't have that either.

He toyed with the thought of running away again at first, but it took a few weeks before he properly went through with it. He brushed off the thought initially, thinking he could power through. But after enough time, he was just done. He couldn't take it anymore and left without a word. Not that she'd miss him anyways.

His expression and emotion had vanished from his face as he daydreamed about what had happened. Madelyn could notice a bit of pain in his eyes and shook his arm to get his attention.

"You okay there, Bon?" she asked him.

"Huh? Oh- yeah, I'm fine," he told her. "I just started thinking about all the things that have led up to this point in my life."

"You looked like you were about to cry."

"I might've been, but that's because I was thinking a bit too much about the night after you broke up with me, all the shit that happened. All the mixed emotions I felt and everything I was dealing with."

"Yeah, I'm still sorry I put you through all of that for nothing."

"I think it was necessary. You thought that there were better people for you out there, and I can respect that. I've always told you I don't deserve you, and I still think that holds true despite never wanting to let go."

"But I don't think you realise how much guilt I'm carrying inside because of what happened. I made you cry, I made you hurt more than you've ever hurt before, and I never meant to cause you that much trauma. I didn't talk with you afterwards, I didn't ask if there was anything I could do to help chase away the heartbreak, and I feel like there were so many things I could've done to help you."

"Trust me, there wasn't anything you should be getting worked up over. The only thing you could've actually done to help subside the pain is take it back, and I didn't want you to do that. You made your decision to break up with me, and I wanted to respect that. I didn't want you to feel like you were forced into a commitment, I've never wanted to make you feel that way. That's why I always ask you if I'm too clingy because I always feel that I'm doing something to keep you here. Whether that be the threat of my own death, running away, or what have you."

"I understand that I suppose. But at the end of the day, nothing became of our breakup period, and all that it ended up doing was fucking you up for a bit."

"I got over it. Yes I was sad, yes I felt lonely, yes I felt deprived of happiness, but I got over it. I came to an understanding with myself that you're your own person, and I shouldn't be trying to make you do things you don't want to. So I'm going to ask you: do you really still want this relationship?"

"Yes, yes. As many times as I can say yes. I got into this wrong mindset that you just weren't willing to grow up, that you were gonna be mentally stuck at sixteen forever. You wouldn't mature, you wouldn't grow up and be an adult, you were just gonna be a teenager for the rest of your life."

"I already knew I couldn't be a teenager for the rest of my life, I just wasn't ready to be one when you broke up with me. I wasn't ready to do things on my own, think on my own. But now I've had to deal with it, I'm used to it. I'm still mentally stuck at sixteen in the sense that I still don't feel ready, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"It makes me happy to hear you say that. I love you dearly, and I want you to be everything you're meant to be."

Bonnie smiled at her, and she laid down next to him, curling up at his side. He was so happy to finally be able to lay down and breathe. It'd been a long time since he'd been able to just be, instead of worrying about a myriad of problems dealing with his happiness. He felt a solace at last inside of his heart. Though there was still a worry that something was bound to go wrong, he felt that it wasn't worth worrying about it for the moment.

He knew his fears were going to creep in and take over him again, but he knew that there was someone he could talk to it about. With that simple thought, he felt at peace. He was done feeling sad, he was done being curled up not knowing what to do.

He was tired of his emotions controlling him.


End file.
